


Past, Present & Future

by misskorya



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2458406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misskorya/pseuds/misskorya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A set of drabbles from my tumblr, about the teen years, about the future that has yet to pass and whatever else pops into my mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Closing Time

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Gotham Podcast, Gotham TV Podcast and my Tumblr followers, and most importantly thanks to Victoria Cartagena whose prompt helped to create an entire playlist on Spotify to most of these drabbles.
> 
> Inspired by Semisonic's Closing Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off Semisonic's Closing Time

Gotham’s Annual Policemen’s Charity Ball. Whew that’s a long title, and it was one that Renee had to say every year. She stood there in her dress uniform, because she didn’t get the luxury to wear a suit. Letting out an audible sigh she watched as Jim and Barbara danced.

"Damn Montoya, could you look any more pathetic?" Bullock asked with a huff as he took a swig from his flask.

She rolled her head to the side and glared. “Don’t you have a bar to waste away at?”

"Nope. I get to play happy host, on Captain’s orders." He smiled through his teeth to some of the attendees. "But honestly, everyone in here can go fuck themselves, including you Montoya."

"Gee… I’m touched, really… " Her sarcasm did her no favors, and if it weren’t for her actually wanting to maintain her sobriety she’d actually snatch that flask out of Bullock’s hand.

Allen was working the doors, and he only gave Montoya one of his, can’t get away shrugs. She straightened her posture and said. “I’m gonna go pretend like I actually have something to do.”

Bullock only huffed and watched as Montoya walked away.

As she walked around the dance floor, Barbara caught sight of her. She caught the expression on Renee’s face. Looking down to the floor, she couldn’t help but feel even more torn than she had before. 

Quite abruptly, she left Jim alone on the dance floor.

The slim blonde haired, blue eyed woman was racing out the back of the ballroom, and in the darken alley she saw Renee standing there. Looking up at the stars, and for a moment Barbara couldn’t breathe as she struggled for words.

"Once upon a time… I thought that could be us, dancing out there." Renee stated. "But… " Her voice trailed off as she kicked at the pavement. 

"Renee." 

The dark haired woman turned to face her former lover. “But I can see that you really love him. You look at him, like you use to look at me… and in a way that you never really did look at me.” It hurt to say it, but the words were, more true that she ever wanted to admit. Tears fell down, and hit the pavement without ripple, without force. They just disappeared into the abyss, the cracks beneath them both.

Barbara shifted her lips and approached Renee, and took the officer’s hands in hers. “Renee Montoya, I have always and will always, love you. You were my first,… everything.”

A consolation that Renee didn’t exactly want.

"Now, I think… I think you, owe me a dance." Barbara said in her attempt to lighten the mood.

"I do?" Renee seemed a little confused, and then there was that memory. Barbara’s senior prom while Renee was getting the shit beat out of her, for what she couldn’t quite recall at the moment, not that it really mattered. "Oh… so I do." A sad smile replaced her confusion.

The music from outside flooded in, but that’s not what Barbara wanted to dance to. “Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world.” She whispered softly. “Closing time, turn off all the lights on over every boy and every girl.”

Renee walked toward Barbara and added. “One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”

And there they danced, with one street light illuminating them.

Barbara pulled Renee toward her and like the moon and the earth the two began to orbit around each other, in a beautiful slow dance. “I know who I want to take me home…” She whispered into Renee’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to follow me on tumblr @ misskorya


	2. Is Our Love Worth Fighting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Tiki Taane's Is Our Love Worth Fighting For

Renee rubbed her eyes, as she sat on the edge of the bed. Her nostrils constricted as she sucked in the mucus in her failed attempt at trying to breathe. She sat in her boxers and muscle shirt, her eyes wandered toward the picture that was on her nightstand. Licking her dehydrated lips, she picked it up.

Her hands wrapped around the wooden frame. A tear or two fell onto the glass. It was of her and Barbara, when they were happier. Tucking her lips in, she pressed them together and then threw the photo toward the wall. Her head sunk into her hands and she rolled back into bed.

Fuck the world.

Was her entire thought, because she couldn’t change what had happened. What she had done, she had fucked off the one woman, who gave a damn. Lied too much, drank too much and just… Renee sighed as she let her head hit the pillow. Her eyes were drawn to the ceiling fan. 

Meanwhile….

Barbara looked at the joint in her hand and plunged it into the ashtray. Getting up she paced around her penthouse. Heaving a heavy sigh she shook her head and then found herself leaning up against the wall and looking over toward her bed.

Memories flooded into her heart. 

How many times did they make love, and how many times did they say, I love you. How many times did she say she’d always be there. Fuck if it didn’t hurt like hell. So much so she just screamed, God why did it hurt so much. It shouldn’t. Renee was the one who lied, who couldn’t keep off the bottle any more than she could keep her hands to herself, but for fucksakes Renee. Barbara just shook her head and got up again, she decided that she had to get rid of everything and anything that reminded her of Renee.

Of those nights, of the days when she wanted to fuck off. Her wild, dark and crazy youth pissed away on one woman. Fuck… Woman? Barbara shook her head and just hit her head against the wall.

Woman.

When they met, they were just two teen girls, trying to figure the world out. They were both trying to claw their way out of the dark, to find a little piece of heaven in this proverbial hell while the devil played them both.

Barbara started with the closet, but the moment her hands went to that Letterman’s jacket. Her hand traced over Renee’s name, she pulled it to her chest and then brought it to her nose.

She could still smell the cigarettes, and suddenly she felt like she was back in High School. Skipping class to meet up with Renee, usually on a Friday so they could sneak away for the weekend. 

The blonde laughed, she’d always tell Renee that her parents would be around, and make that poor, poor girl climb up to her room. Only because, Babs knew that Renee would do it.

And now… that just made her lips quiver and she threw the jacket down, memories be damned. She was not going to be a victim again, she was not going to play this game again.

Back in that shitty ass apartment, the one and only apartment that Renee has ever had. The one that she’d never have to worry about the rent just because she knew all the right people. She had to get out of here, fuck this apartment and it’s memories.

Renee managed her way out of bed, and looked at her dresser. With bloodshot eyes and a broken heart filled with rage. She swiped off all the bottles, the glasses that goddamn alcohol that… was only part of why Barbara left.

But oh… as Renee walked down the hall there was a lingering aroma in the air. One of Barbara’s overpriced candles, the daughter of immigrants looked at it and she could remember. The first time Babs bought a candle for the place.

They danced to some stupid song, one of those love sick pop songs. Renee scoffed at the memory, but deep down she was dying. Forcing herself to realize that she’d wake up alone. Heading toward the candle, she picked it up and looked around.

She’d pay the extra money to be rid of everything.

Yup.

She didn’t wanna bother packing anything. Just move to a new side of town, Crispus would help … probably, maybe… with enough prodding. Renee sighed as she took a seat on that old worn couch she got at a thrift store when she was fifteen. 

Barbara adored it and had it reupholstered, at least twice. 

Oh how her heart ached, and it was her own damn fault. She was still angry, but now she was just accepting it. It was her own fault. Renee put her head against the back of it and sat there. Sat there and closed her eyes, she could remember turning on the radio and dancing there in the little living room.

Teaching Babs how to cook some basic Dominican food, while Babs tried to enlighten Renee on how to cook basic Thai food.

Fuck. Renee thought, this whole place was just haunted.

Haunted with her, and their love.

The love that she threw away. Her hand hit the coffee table in front of her. The pain she felt was sizable that she didn’t try that again, but Renee did get up, she did get dressed and she got the hell out of that apartment.

Barbara wasn’t done packing, but she couldn’t stay in the penthouse anymore. She got out of her bathrobe and changed into something more suitable. 

And somehow, without thinking…

Barbara and Renee met back up at 9 Lives Bar.

The same bar that they had first met each other at, so long ago, and all the other could see was that same scared, insecure, unsure of herself teenager. That blonde haired, blue eyed girl who finally got brave enough to venture outside of her world. The dark haired beauty who decided she wasn’t going to let anyone run her life, but was completely terrified at the prospects of living alone.

And, if fate had decided to be cruel to them both, it had begun to rain.

The two took a few steps toward each other, and as they did the images of those teenage girls began to fade and they could see the women that they were becoming.

As much as Babs had fought her parents predetermined path, she seemed dead set on finishing college, and getting into constitutional law. Be that perfect little lawyer her parents always wanted.

Renee, wasn’t going to be the drunk. She wasn’t going to be like her Father, she wasn’t going to walk away from it all. She was determined to be a cop, and a good cop. 

Finally, they were face to face.

They resisted the urge to touch, to kiss, to do anything… 

Until.

"I’m heading up to Boston."

"I got accepted into the police academy."

They swallowed hard.

"I guess I better go…"

"You know, you don’t have to." Renee then offered. "Could always just… uh, get some coffee or something."

"No… please." Babs pleaded. "I can’t."

The tears in her eyes were too much for Renee to take.

"I get it." Renee said forcefully. "Good luck, Barbara."

"You too, Renee." Barbara replied, and then took a breath as she walked past Renee.

And there… alone in front of the bar, Renee stood with rain pouring down. She caught a cab, and headed toward the nearest rehab facility, while Barbara… did her best to move on.

But really… was their love ever worth fighting over? Or had they given up, had the fight taken it’s toll… the question still remained.


	3. We Are Golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Mika's We Are Golden

Barbara could hear her parents, but she didn’t care. She just had to get out of there. Her overpriced shoes splashed the puddles as she coursed through the driveway and headed down to the dirt road.

Renee couldn’t care less about where she was going when she died. What did it matter? She was a lesbian and there was nothing they could say or do to change that. She jumped the fences and ran toward the nearest bus stop. 

Barbara hitched a ride into town, and looked up at the darken sky. It was never really sunny in Gotham, but an overcast sky was the best you could hope for. The rain began to pour, and it didn’t even bother her. She shoved her hands into her one size too tight jean pockets, and threw her mop like hair back. 

Renee’s hair made her look like a drenched animal. The bus had left and she was walking around the city with no where to go really. She knew a few places she could go, and get her mind off the more dramatic things in life. Sighing, she looked around and spotted a familiar bar. “9 Lives.” She said to herself and shrugged, it was never to early to drink. 

Barbara meanwhile didn’t even realize what side of town she was on. With a smile she felt quite proud. Her parents would never let her come here, to the seedier side of Gotham, but then what wasn’t a seedy side of Gotham? The rich were just better at hiding their indiscretions. Looking up from the side street where she stood she saw the bar. “9 Lives.” Rousing a shrug from her, she figured it couldn’t hurt to check it out.

Inside, Renee wanted to lose herself. It might not have been too early to drink, but getting high. Well she didn’t have the money for that so drinking it was. 

Then, in walked Barbara who figured it was too early to do anything but get high and as she checked out the bar she found a girl about her age, maybe older. Dark skin, dark hair and she took Barbara’s breath away.

Out of the corner of Renee’s eyes she caught sight of the blonde hair beauty. She looked at her drink, tip the bartender and rushed off to greet her. “Hey.” She was quick to say and then tucked wet strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m Renee.”

"Barbara." She introduced herself to the dark haired girl who was taller than she was, and had longer legs and seemed to want to hide them. Then looking up into those dark eyes, Barbara felt as if they were an open book. 

"Wanna drink… or something?" Renee offered as she fiddled with her own fingers, and then ran them through her hair.

She was nervous, Barbara could tell so she hid her grin and replied. “Or something.”

Who gave a damn about the family they came from? Down here, no one cared and Barbara bit her bottom lip.

Blue eyes connected with brown, and Renee took a deep breath and repeated. “Or something, huh?”

"Yeah." Barbara affirmed as she looked around the bar. "Is there a better place?"

"Yeah c’mon, we’ll go to Fish’s place." Renee remarked, she knew where it was. Hell, everyone knew where Fish Mooney’s place was and it was a great place to disappear to, or at least be on their way to… to disappear.

Babs had no idea who fish was but in an instant she was placing her trust with this Renee, and … she didn’t mind, not one single bit.

There was small talk, conversation and a lot of awkward tension. They weren’t sure what it was, or if it was just teenage hormones driving them, but… they never made it to Fish’s place. Instead, they opted to go Renee’s home away from home. A little apartment in one of Gotham’s abandoned neighborhoods now overtaken by the homeless, druglords, and call girls. 

Barbara was nervous, and stayed right behind Renee. Renee promised nothing would happen, and as she passed they passed by the pseudo land lord her nervousness dropped.

Inside the half-way rotten building was actually somewhat nice. Renee ran drugs for one of the lords in the area and had a little place to herself in return for her services. With the turn of a key, they were inside the apartment which was barely an apartment and more of a studio in Barbara’s terms. Less than 600 square feet, but there was a little dining area, a microwave, kitchenette. A worn in blue couch, and down the little hall, a bathroom and the queen size mattress sat on the box springs, on the floor.

There wasn’t a television, just a radio and books, lots of books, and on the walls was some ‘art’ work if Barbara could call it that. A lot pin up posters and well there were some movie posters as well, but way more pin up and nude photos, along with some … interesting sports memorabilia. 

"This is it, sweet home away from home." Renee said as she locked up behind them and pulled the blinds down. "I know it’s not much, but it’s what I can afford."

The girl wasn’t even out of high school yet, hell neither was she. They were going to graduate, soon… and no. They couldn’t, Barbara was already being groomed to go to an Ivy league school. Her parents wanted her to become a senator or something. She hated that… hated that they had her life pre-planned. Looking over at Renee who seemed to have taken off to the bathroom.

Fuck it. Barbara thought as she threw off her clothes, she was going to do this. It was her choice, she walked toward the bedroom and noticed that besides the bed there was a small lamp, a daily word book, a rosary and an aluminium baseball bat up against the wall.

The walls were bare, save for the clothes, towels and such folded and lined up along the floor, but she supposed… if she ‘borrowed’ the art from home, it would be better. Huh, she was already trying to redecorate the place and as she looked around the walls. Barbara forgot she was standing in her underwear.

Renee, definitely noticed and the trail of the clothes weren’t hard to follow. She saw the blonde standing in her room, they always did this kind of stuff in the movies. So she figured she’d walk up and put her arms around Barbara’s waist. Just to see how it felt, and after all they did it in the movies right? 

Babs was taken aback by the sudden appearance of arms around her waist, she swallowed hard not because this was unwanted but rather because she didn’t know how to handle what she was feeling. So instead of fighting this like she was taught to do. Babs went with it, and let her body melt against Renee’s and it just felt so right.

With the flick of a wrist and a quick spin. Renee had Barbara facing her and their eyes locked onto one another. 

Then like magnets, their lips were connecting and Barbara was tossing off Renee’s clothes, while Renee did her best to get them to the bed. 

They would not be what people thought they were, they were going to be their own. Do their own thing, and fuck the consequences… they had a whole summer to be together and they weren’t going to squander it.


	4. Take Me As I Am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off Take Me as I am by Sugarland

Renée leaned up against that wall of guilt. She looked down and turned to face it. She took her fist to it but it was all she could do. She should have known better.

Barbara laid there looking up at the ceiling of despair, how far would she fall. Would she make it out okay?

A harsh exhale and Renée took out her phone and dialed Barbara.

She wasn’t sure if she was going to answer it, but she was in desperate need for contact. God. It was high school all over again.

"I’m sorry." Renée said through some tears. "I was selfish, but I-"

"Renée." Barbara whispered softly. "Please, don’t throw us away."

Clenching her jaw, Renée pulled the phone away from her jaw and looked up at her own roof. Perhaps some divine intervention would occur or maybe the answers to her heart would drop down like rain.

"I don’t want to throw us away, you know that just-" She bit down her bottom lip. "I can’t fight your demons, Barbara."

"Then don’t." She was upset, defiant maybe. "Don’t, let me fight them, but damn it Renée I need you."

"I know." Renée said in a tender whisper. "I need you, too."

The brunette’s forehead hit the wall as she sighed, exhaling, resolving to ask. “Where are you?”

"My house." Barbara answered. "I promise the guard dog won’t bite this time." It was an off handed joke, it made her smile.

And it made Renée smile as she held her own lopsided grin. “Alright, I’ll be there- I hope that drain pipe doesn’t break this time.”

"I think it’s been a fixed to the wall for sometime now." Barbara by this time had opened her window and looked right beside it. "Steel is a wonderful thing."

"And Barbara?" Renée asked using her name to catch her attention.

"Yeah?" She chewed on the inside of her lip.

"I love you."

"I love you, too Renée."


	5. Come To My Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off Melissa Etheridge's Come To My Window

Renee wasn’t exactly sure why in the hell Barbara wanted her to come over this late, or why exactly she had to sneak into her room, but whatever. The teenager huffed as she climbed up the side of the house praying to God that the thinly made aluminium drain pipe didn’t crack off.

It did however protest, and she looked down and wondered what in the hell she was doing. Oh that’s right, the Princess needed someone to make her scream into the pillow. Princess… mhmmm that’s it that is gonna be her new nickname. 

Still, she was trying to figure out why she let Babs call her NeeNee and punch the hell out of that poor Allen kid on her way to the diner that one night. 

Sure… She could have told Babs to come to her house, but no one ever really went to Renee’s house, not really. 

Not to mention it was on a side of Gotham that wasn’t desirable and let’s face it. Barbara is a horrible liar and even worse at trying to climb up somewhere without some much needed assistance.

Fuck it all, Renee thought she should have taken gym class instead of ROTC, but whatever…

After a few more minutes of huffing it up, she reached Barbara’s window, only to find it closed.

WHAT. THE. FUCKITY. FUCK.

Renee hit her head against the window, repeatedly. Okay well now she had two options, she could slide down, which might burn a few body parts that she’d rather not burn. Or, she could jump down, but that might result in bodily injury…

Why did she come here again?

But, within a moment it was open and she was pulled in quicker than she could down a shot of tequila.

"You’re late!" Babs scolded quietly.

"Climbing?" Renee questioned as she stood up and dusted herself. "Also, your dog’s an asshole."

"No he’s not, he’s a guard dog, you know… guarding." Barbara reminded her girlfriend and then looked at Renee. She sighed and walked toward her. "C’mere lemme look at you."

Renee sighed with exaggeration and sulked toward Babs. “I’m fine, really he only scratched me a few times.”

"Still." Babs said as she kissed the wounds on Renee’s forearm. "I can clean it up."

"No… no, it’s fine. I’ll be alright. I don’t want you to get into trouble." Renee remarked as she looked around the room. "You got a new spread?" She pointed to the queen size bed. "Your parents didn’t ask?"

"They don’t care about me, they just wanted to shut me up." Babs replied as she walked toward it. "Besides, it’ll be better for us."

"I’m not complaining… but wait… to shut you up?” Renee asked with concern.

Barbara waved her hand to dismiss any further line of questioning. “It’s fine, Renee.”

"K, so how long are they gone this time?" Was her next question, because unfortunately. Barbara’s parents had this idea that the best way to parent their daughter, was to never be there. So she was very often alone, and ordered to follow this preordained path.

A path, she refused to follow.

Barbara sat on the bed and patted it, Renee walked toward her and as she did the blonde answered. “A couple of weeks, they’ve decided to go to Australia and visit ‘friends,’ the usual.”

Renee had a smile curling along her lips as she crawled along the bed, and pushed Barbara so that her back fell to the plush comforter beneath them both. “A couple of weeks, huh?”

The blonde bit her bottom lip, and nodded.


	6. Truly, Madly, Deeply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply

It had to be the sappiest thing, Renee had come home to. There was Barbara, in their tiny shitty ass apartment. With a candle, granted it was the one you got from the dollar store that had Mother Mary all over it, but it was a candle and there was dinner.

Thai.

Renee looked up to her girlfriend and then heard that song, that stupid, stupid song. Truly, Madly, Deeply… As if they hadn’t danced enough to it, made love enough to it. Her back hurt, her feet burned and her legs felt like they’d collapse out from under her.

But.

This was Barbara, and if Barbara wanted to dance and get all romantic, then come heaven or hell. She was gonna get her romantic dance, and dance Renee did. The same slow dance that they danced at someone’s prom. Probably not Renee’s or Babs, she was pretty sure they weren’t invited and had to sneak in, but that is not the point. The point is, that Babs got to feel like a fucking princess. 

No one was going to deny, her Babs the pleasure of feeling like a princess. 

Renee made sure of that, as she slid her hands down to Barbara’s waist. Angling her face just a little as she went in for the kiss. It didn’t take much to coax the blonde’s lips open. Their tongues met and the song began to fade away.

They stopped dancing, and stood there kissing.

With their foreheads resting against one another, Renee whispered to Babs. “I love you.”


	7. I Kissed a Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jill Sobule's I Kissed A Girl

Renee leaned in and gave Barbara a kiss on the cheek, and then tucked her hair behind ear. “This is a nice … school?”

Babs laughed a little. “It’s the Kane Academy of Excellence, it’s always nice… but you, you are cute.” She admitted with a blush while looking around. She noted the people looking at her, and Renee who wasn’t dressed in any kind of uniform.

In fact, she was dressed with torn jeans that looked like they needed to be washed. A ragged Gotham Rogues tee shirt, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, a sweater tied around her waist and her mesh backpack required by the schools so they could make sure no one was carrying a weapon.

"Wanna go to 9 Lives?" Babs asked as she slipped her hand into Renee’s.

Renee looked down, a little amazed by the sight and then as her eyes looked into Barbara’s she gave her a sheepish smile and answered. “Sure.”

And there they went, down the hill, holding hands. Babs only asked that they stop so she could change. Her hair was now up in a high pony tail, and she wore overalls that were long and met her converse shoes.

"So what did your brother say when you took his shirt?" She asked Renee.

Renee scoffed. “He was pissed and claimed now they had boob marks so I could keep it.”

That elicited a laugh from Babs, and then they were at a bus stop. It took an hour and a half of walking but hey, they didn’t care. Holding hands and stopping to kiss, a lot.

"I um… I never thought that-" Babs was trying to confess.

Renee put her lips on top of Barbara’s and finished the confession. “That you could ever fall in love?”

"With a woman…" She added.

There was a turn of Renee’s lips as she then asked Barbara. “What’s wrong with that?”

"Nothing, but my parents…"

"Your parents, what? They don’t get to chose who you love, Babs."

In that moment, Barbara knew. She pulled Renee in for another kiss and then said. “Never.”

And there they sat, waiting for the bus, holding hands.


	8. The Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tracy Chapman's The Promise

Renée closed the window behind her, and looked over at Barbara. She quietly walked toward the bed. The room had changed, it was a guest bedroom now. 

Barbara sat up on the bed and reached out for Renée’s jacket, wrapping her hand in the polyester fabric, one little finger at a time. With her other hand she slowly unzipped it and slid it off Renée’s shoulders.

"No strings, just us." She whispered as she leaned into Renée’s embrace. "I just want you."

Renée lifted her chin as Barbara kissed along the smooth surface of her neck. Her tongue caressing a soft spot just above her collar bone. Her soft plush lips moving up toward the detective’s lips. She pulled down gently and on instinct the brunette reacted. 

One hand at the small of the blonde’s back while a palm was flat against the bed lowering them toward the overpriced bedding. Renée moved to straddle Barbara and slowly worked her blouse, one button at a time. Her lips followed as she peeled back the fabric. 

Exposing creamy flesh to her lips. 

Barbara slid her hands toward Renée’s shirt, she was careful with each button. Pulling the Dominicana’s body closer to her, and with each button gone, there would be another kiss. 

Neither were surprised to find that they had opted to not wear a bra. At this point they were past lustful games. Tonight was about fulfillment, and Barbara could have called Jim, but she didn’t. She wanted Renée, again. 

Soon Renée’s shirt joined Barbara’s on the floor, discarded without care. There they were exposing themselves to each other again. 

The brunette leaned over so that her lips hovered over the blonde’s.

"I can’t watch you go down that path." She whispered. "I love you too much."

Barbara cupped Renée’s face with her hands. “Then be there to catch me, when I fall. Please.” She kissed Renée’s lips. “Wait for me, and then hold me.”

Tears didn’t just threaten to fall, they promised to fall. 

"Barbara you don’t-"

"I do. I know you, and you love with all your soul, with all your being Renée and you love hard." Her tears fell to the bedding beneath them both and she continued to whisper. "That’s why I love you, because you’ve always loved me, for me."

Renée couldn’t speak, there were no words. She simply let her lips speak for her in a way that only Barbara could understand. A soft slip of her tongue, as she tasted the desire, the want and the hurt within the blonde. Tears fell again. Threading one hand with Barbara’s, Renée broken their kiss and put her forehead against the blonde’s. “Barbara, I changed because I knew you deserved better. I wanted to be better, I wanted to be that person. How can I… how can.”

"Shhh." Barbara lifted her head just enough to kiss the detective. "Just be you, and I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay." With her free hand, she tucked the loose strands of Renée’s face out of her hair. "Promise."


	9. Bailando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based a little off Enrique Iglesias' Bailando

It wasn’t suppose to happen like this. Barbara was sure of it, but what could she say? She could say no. But then, she’d miss this chance to dance with Renee. Her blue eyes drank in the Dominican’s dark skin as it seemed to hug that burgundy dress. Within a moment she was drunk off their attraction as Renee put her hands on her hips, and the two began to dance. A wide smirk crept it’s way along Barbara’s lips as she allowed her hips to be guided by her former lover.

Biting down on her lower lip as she turned herself around and allowed her body to become flush against Renee’s. She wasn’t saying no, or turning Renee’s hands away as they slipped around her waist. In fact, she invited her former lover as she allowed the other woman to plant a kiss along the side of her neck.

The music played an octave higher, and the club seemed to fade away as she felt Renee’s finger nails digging into her hips. Renee was getting her high from Barbara and her heart beat against her chest. It would be very hard to control herself from here on, because this dance… the way they danced was something they often did when they were younger, and old habits die hard.

Barbara spun herself around to face Renee, looking her in the eyes. Those get lost in you, eyes- the kind of caramel eyes that could see through your bullshit. She brought their bodies very close together, and as her hips moved so perfectly to the beat. Renee leaned in, kissing along the nape of the blonde’s neck as her arms wrapped back around the heiress’ waist. 

The track in the club might’ve changed, but they were still dancing to their own beat. As Barbara ran her fingers along Renee’s lips, and then placed them against her own lips as if to remind herself what it was like to kiss Renee.

Renee wasn’t going to let that slide, she drew the blonde in closer and their lips crashed together. The arousal that had been building up like kerosene being poured over the bonfire sparked with a single touch, as if someone threw the match to lite the fire.

There was desperation, there was hurt, guilt, desire, lust, and perhaps even love. In that singular moment, Barbara’s mind went fuzzy as it tended to do whenever Renee had her in this moment, because she looked up at Renee and she didn’t stop kissing her. Bringing her lips against the Dominican’s biting down on the brunette’s lower lip, where she’d get little resistance.

There was no protest from Renee who simply whispered for Barbara to follow her out of the club. Barbara did so with pleasure, leaving the club with Renee whereby she thought that no one could see her, but someone did see her. Someone who could gain a lot from watching Barbara cheat on James.

Even as she climbed into Renee’s car, she leaned back into the seat and chewed her own lip. Renee looked over and took a deep breath, allowing one hand to slide up Barbara’s leg, the leg in which she was now placing firmly in Renee’s lap.

The detective was able to elicit a small moan from Barbara as she leaned over, her hand still moving up along the blonde’s cream colored flesh, her cold finger tips brushing against the other woman’s thigh and as another moan escaped her. Renee planted another kiss, taking that sound into her mouth, Barbara’s hands went to cup Renee’s face and after that moment, the brunette returned her focus to the steering wheel determined to get them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: misskorya.tumblr.com


	10. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off Hoobastank's The Reason

The dust had cleared and no one was sure what had happened, except for Barbara. In her arms laid her former lover Renee Montoya. She could feel Renee’s warm blood as it flowed from the gunshot wound in her chest. The blonde wasn’t sure what to do, she had called for help but it would be ten minutes before the ambulance could get to her. Ten minutes. With one hand applying as much pressure to the wound as possible, and the other one cradling the dying detective.

“I’m sorry.” Renee said choking on her own blood and tears. “I’m sorry.” She heaved her lips quivered and teeth chattered. 

Barbara shook her head and told her. “Shhhh, shhh it’s okay.”

Jim and Harvey looked on as they waited for an ambulance. Harvey took off his hat, because somehow deep inside he knew that these next few moments would be Renee’s last and as much as they argued… they were the same person, both white knights that wanted to change Gotham but were met with a cold and brutal reality.

“There are so many things, I wish I could take back… I never meant to hurt you, Barb.” Renee said as she then began to struggle for breath. Her face began to turn into a deathly color.

Barbara held Renee closer. “I know, I know… we were just kids, we were just kids Renee.” She repeated her own tears following down. 

“I wish I could’ve changed those days, but … I … I.” Her blood caught in her throat as she then gasped for air.

“Renee!” Barbara shouted as she moved one blood stained hand to grip her former love’s face. “Look at me, c'mon look at me.”

Captain Essen had arrived, the ambulance was on it’s way and she walked toward Barbara and Renee, kneeling down she looked at Renee and her nostrils flared with emotion. “Hey Monty.” She said to her former pupil. “Monty.”

“I’m sorry, I fucked up.” Montoya apologized, always her own worst critic. 

“You were never a fuck up.” Essen said with a harsh grief stricken tone, and she looked Montoya in the eyes. “You are one of my finest, and you think with your heart and you go after every angle of the truth. It’s what I’ve always admired about you, Monty. So you listen to me. You are gonna pull through this, and you are gonna come back stronger than ever.”

Renee’s lips quivered but her body struggled to keep her alive.

They could hear the sirens, but as Barbara looked at Renee’s eyes she knew, she knew deep down that this was the last time she’d ever see her Renee.

“I wish I c-c-could ta-ke back all the pain.” Renee’s hand shook as it came up to cup Barbara’s cheek. “But I ch-changed, I did. I got better, Barb.”

“I know you did, Nee. I know you did, you changed and you are better.” Barbara didn’t know if it was the idea that she’d lose Renee forever but in that moment she kissed the detective’s nearly dead cold hand, and then placed her lips on Renee’s. 

“You were my reason.” Renee confessed in one smooth line, and then she turned to Captain Sarah Essen who took a chance on a kid from the barrios. Who had been the big sister that she’d always wanted, that she needed. Who stayed up with her through those tough nights of kicking the alcohol. “Thanks.” It was one word, but one word that began to bring the hard nosed Captain to tears. 

The paramedics arrived and began to work on the detective, they stabilized her but weren’t entirely sure if she’d make it. Detective Crispus Allen, limped his way from the abandoned warehouse, Gordon and Bullock rushed to his aid, and he assured them he was fine. In fact he owed- they owed their lives to Montoya’s actions.

Gotham had one rule.

No heroes.

But Montoya never did listen to anyone.

On that night Renee Montoya found herself in a coma, but it was in that night, something inside of her changed… and when she woke, she’d find herself following a new path apart from the GCPD and away from the world she once knew. She would be the Question that Gotham needed to bring them the answers that they all so desperately desired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr! MissKorya.Tumblr.com


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